complicated feeling

sigh, facing some hardship in my career path.. i don't know how to describe my feeling. i just know that the feeling is complicated.

not that i wish to continue working here, just that i don't really like the politics and racism happen at office nowadays; *why? why must make it so complicated? i just wanted everything to go simple. i ain't a threat for her! stop that thinking please! she's making herself behaving silly and end up it disturbs me!*

on the other hand, not that i'm not willing to help them, just that i don't really interested in that.

perhaps it's really difficult for us to get a job which we're fully interested and everthing goes simple. nothing is perfect right?

previously, i don't know what i like and feel lost for my future. and now, i thought of after leaving this company, i would go and try something new that i think i should be quite interested in those industry, but here come the issues.

she told me that the opportunity is finally here, she asked me to learn hard, for sure i'll suceed in one day and get what i want, and i'll be keep an eye for two departments, definitely my knowledge can be widen.
*why now? why not earlier? why is this happen after i've ready with my letter? what's next? what will happen after another party comes back?*

on the other hand, they want me to go in and learn and eventually take over the business.
*why now? why so sudden? i never thought about this although she mentioned about it before, but this time, she's so serious about it, and he's awaiting for it. i supposed that it's even harder than i work for others because i really don't have any idea on how to communicate with the two men.*

i've advice fromm dear bear but the feeling just can't go away. maybe the cloud is too big and heavy and it might takes few days before i could clear my mind. one thing i should be glad is i become 'hot item' suddenly ^^


*Lv*